Diário de uma breve gestação

 

O texto que segue, tem um formato de diário para que eu pudesse transmitir um pouco sobre a experiência que vivi recentemente sobre uma gravidez seguida de aborto espontâneo.

O intuito é compartilhar sobre as sensações, sentimentos e pensamentos que vivi e sigo refletindo sobre o ocorrido.

 Esta é a primeira parte da história.

 

Dia 20 de abril de 2017 (lua minguante)

Ainda estou menstruando. Já é meu quarto dia de menstruação e não consigo me recordar quando foi a última vez que sangrei tanto. Sinto meu corpo fazendo uma forte limpeza. Tenho me sentido bastante cansada fisicamente, mas fora isso, estou bem.

 

Dia 6 de maio de 2017

Hoje aconteceu algo muito especial. Levava a Luma para passear e dormir e de repente senti um calor tão forte no meu coração! Foi como um vento que veio e se fez presente. Mas não era vento, era amor, era um calor envolvendo todo meu coração! E o mais maluco é que EXATAMENTE na hora em que o calor chegou eu sabia de onde ele vinha, um calor em forma de amor: é dele, deste novo bebê que se aproxima de mim, de nós. Foi tão lindo e especial que meus olhos se encheram de lágrimas! “Que visita gostosa, meu amor! Já te amo também! Já te quero também”, dizia meu coração, “mas talvez espere mais um pouquinho antes de chegar, tá?” – dizia minha razão.

 

Dia 7 de maio de 2017

Desde ontem, a Nicki – minha amiga –  está dormindo aqui em casa. Fica até quarta. E ela está grávida, de novo!!! Está super redonda e linda! E a Luma, depois de eu ter falado pra ela que a Nicki tem um bebê na barriga, aponta o dedo pra mim e fala: “Mama auch Baby im Bauch” (Mamãe também bebê na barriga) !!!!! Será??? Na hora gelei e me lembrei do calor de ontem. Será??? Por eu saber que os bebês se comunicam com seus irmãos já no ventre, levei à sério a percepção da Luminha, mas eu não consigo me recordar de ter feito amor com o Rapha perto da minha fase fértil. Será que calculei errado? Ai ai ai… Essa vida cheia de surpresas…

 

Dia 8 de maio de 2017

Ah, essa primavera linda! Ela brota não só lá fora, como aqui dentro também. Acordo com muito mais vida e energia!

Tiro uma carta do meu oráculo dos anjos e me aparece Arcanjo Gabriel falando de algo novo que se apresentará, de que não preciso saber dos próximos passos para que isso se manifeste e que será algo de grande mudança em minha vida. Na hora penso numa próxima gestação. Será? Se fosse um filme, eu provavelmente acharia meio brega a cena de uma mulher receber do Arcanjo Gabriel a notícia de que está grávida. Mas aconteceu hoje comigo… Será? Minha intuição é grande, eu sei, mas agora vejo como minha razão é maior ainda e não consegue acreditar 100% nisso tudo.

 

Dia 20 de maio de 2017 (lua minguante)

Quase uma semana de atraso na minha menstruação. Já fiz um teste de gravidez há 2 dias e se tivesse dado positivo teria ficado muito surpresa, pois não tenho sentido nenhuma mudança física em mim. Esses dias senti a presença do nosso bebê que está por vir. Mas só isso.

Sim, falo que é nosso. Sinto que já é nosso – e nós somos dele.

 

Dia 23 de maio de 2017 (quase lua nova)

Na noite passada sonhei algo muito real! Vi o display de um teste de gravidez que mudava de um risquinho para dois, ou seja, de negativo para positivo. Só isso e nada mais – esse era o sonho. Ai ai ai…

E na hora do almoço senti algo tão real quanto o sonho: estávamos almoçando no deck do jardim quando de repente, do nada, era como se um botãozinho tivesse girado dentro de mim e eu me vi mãe de três crianças. Era como se eu já fosse mãe de três crianças NAQUELE MOMENTO, assim, simples e claro! Ai ai ai… Acho que preciso de mais um teste de gravidez!

Meu coração já confirma isso, mas e meu corpo? Até agora não sinto nenhuma mudança no corpo, cansaço ou sensibilidade… Só meu nariz que parece navegar no mundo dos cheiros das flores que se abrem agora na primavera.

 

Dia 24 de maio de 2017 (lua nova – vida nova)

Schwanger (grávida)

Sim, o display do sonho estava certo.

Sim, a Luma estava certa.

Sim, a carta do oráculo estava certa.

Sim, já sou mãe de três!

Nosso bebê está a caminho e está crescendo dentro de mim. Estou grávida de 5 semanas.

Foi lindo hoje de manhã, depois de ter feito o teste sozinha no banheiro e de ter voltado para cama com o Rapha para lhe contar “a boa nova”. Não sabia quais palavras usar, como começar a frase… Sorri com olhos esbugalhados pra ele e ele já sabia. Sorriu pra mim ainda sonolento e me abraçou – e só! Ele estava tão calmo e sereno… Com as outras gestações das meninas ele reagiu muito mais surpreso.

Depois, durante o dia só nos olhávamos e aí sim, surpresos sem acreditar direito que seremos pais de 3 crianças. Três!!! Caramba, não é pouco!

Ainda não contamos para as meninas. Vamos esperar mais um pouco.

Ao pôr a Luminha na cama depois do almoço, visualizei um cordão dourado que saía do meu coração e envolvia o bebê, a placenta e a bolsa, ou melhor, aquelas mini-célulazinhas que estão trabalhando à mil para formar o bebê. Que delicia de visualização!

 

Leia aqui a continuação desta história e de como meu bebê se foi.

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