o falar das mãos

Você já percebou as maravilhas que nossoas mãos podem fazer?

No cuidar de uma criança pequena, as mãos assumem um papel muito importante, seja no fazer carinho, dar banho, pegar no colo, orientar, dar comida na boca, mostrar os limites, vestir…

As mãos realizam aquilo que nós intencionamos, consciente ou inconscientemente.

Perceba você quantas vezes no seu dia com seu bebê, com a criança com a qual você convive, quantas vezes as suas mãos “falam”, atuam como protagonistas, ou pelo menos como atrizes de grande influência nas dinâmicas do convívio.

Será que estamos acordados e conscientes para aquilo que ordenamos às nossas mãos? Estamos conscientes para as inúmeras expressões das mãos?, pois a mão pode tanto ser carinhosa e gentil, como muito rude, desrespeitosa e ofensiva. Para um bebê pequeno isso é ainda mais intenso. Imagine uma mão gigante, do tamanho das suas costas, quase da metade do seu corpo, lhe tocando – essa é a proporção da mão do adulto no corpo de um recém-nascido.

Infelizmente há um programa muito enraigado em cada um de nós, que nos faz agir de maneira de automática e mecânica em muitas situações com um bebê.

Seja por já termos certa prática ou pela experiência de ter visto nossas próprias mães, tias, vizinhas – ou homens também, mas a presença e atuação feminina é aqui bem forte – cuidando de nós ou de outras crianças nesse automatismo.

No automatismo mora o hábito e a rotina e aí mora o perigo também. A consciência precisa fazer vigilia nessa porta pra poder entrar.
E sobre isso não se fala muito. Não se fala nem se observa muito. O fazer não-consciente e não-presente das mãos já é virou quase sinônimo de “cuidar de uma criança pequena”.

Mas se nós adultos não prestamos atenção na forma como tocamos a criança, ela, ao receber nossas mãos, nosso toque, está a ler constantemente nossa mensagem. Ela lê nosso amor, nossa calma, nossa suavidade no toque, assim como a falta de paciência, falta de sensibilidade e falta de tempo.

E é muito simples interpretar o que ela está a ler.

Por exemplo, quando quero tirar o pijama da minha filha, crio uma imagem na minha cabeça: agora é hora de tirar o pijama e pôr outra roupa. O plano é meu, não dela. Esse “trocar de roupa” pode acontecer de duas maneiras:

Uma: eu a puxo, empurro as costas, deitando-a na cama, levanto aqui, viro ali, “fica quieta menina”, puxo a calca pelo pé enquanto ela se debate – e pra melhor a imagem, posso aproveitar o tempo e ligar para uma querida amiga e falar com ela no viva-voz, tudo ao mesmo tempo. Eu faço uso da minha força – e minha filha me responde da mesma forma.

Ou eu lhe aviso, falo com ela e lhe exponho minha intenção: “Meu amor, agora eu vou tirar teu pijama. Deita aqui na cama que a gente vai trocar a tua roupa”.
Essa segunda opção nasce de outro lugar, de um lugar de respeito, de colaboração, de não-autoritarismo, de amor e de reconhecimento da sua existência.

E como que o corpo dela responde a tudo isso? Na primeira cena ela se rebate, reluta, demonstra oposição – “como assim, minha mãe vem, levanta minha perna, me puxa, me tira do meu brincar, nem fala direito comigo, me segura com força…”

Na segunda ela atua comigo, estamos presentes uma para a outra e minhas mãos atuam com calma, sem força, pois ela está relaxada e sabe o que vai acontecer. Nos percebemos e nos olhamos nos olhos. Parece até uma dança à dois – não solo. Não é uma competição, e sim colaboração.

Será que damos aos nossos filhos a possibilidade de atuar conosco nos afazeres com eles? Ou “mexemos” neles como se fossem bonecos, deitados passivos no trocador, sem o menor respeito? Não só passivos, como nossas mãos podem fazer com que a criança se sinta sem equilíbrio e controle do próprio corpo – “ups, agorinha eu estava deitada ali no chão, de repente alguém me puxa pelos pés, levanta rapidamente, põe no colo e quando vejo, vim parar em cima do trocador…” Qual é a nossa prioridade ao estarmos com nossas crianças: trocar o pijama (como símbolo de todas as inúmeras atividades de cuidado com elas) ou o contato, o estar junto, a relação? Estamos ali realizando uma função (trocar o pijama), como operários de fábricas ou abertas para um mar de aprendizados, de inúmeras experiências e trocas de amor (constantes!!!)?

Criar uma relação baseada no respeito significa esperar e muitas vezes podar nossos desejos  e expectativas. Respeitar a criança significa lhe dar a possibilidade de ser e se manifestar da sua maneira e ritmo. Quando chamamos a criança para vir almocar, por exemplo, é muito provável que tenhamos que chamá-la por algumas vezes ou esperar um pouco até que ela nos responda. Ela precisa de mais tempo do que nós para se desligar do que está a fazer, para mudar o foco de sua atenção.

Quando estamos conscientes dos nossos atos e da nossa abordagem perante às crianças, passamos a criar. Sim, CRIAR, atividade muito ligada à nossa essência, e criamos uma relação onde a criança é reconhecida e ganha espaço para co-atuar.

Isso significa, por exemplo, gestos “abertos” – o que se espera foi expresso, mas é dada a possibilidade de escolha à criança e nisso o meu gesto é contido pela metade. Eu pergunto, ofereço, sugestiono, espero a sua resposta e reação. Por exemplo: na mesa, ofereço à minha filha uma banana – ela pode aceitá-la ou não. Quando desejo que ela venha comigo para escovar os dentes, lhe estico a mão e falo: “vem” e não a puxo pelo braço ou empurro pelas costas na direção do banheiro. Tudo isso pode levar muito mais tempo do que se eu a puxar e movimentar como uma marionete – mas aí vai depender da imagem e intenção que tenho do meu papel como mãe/pai em relação a esse ser. A criança pode escolher e essa experiência de saber que, desde cedo, ela é vista e respeitada, sua vontade e ritmo têm valor, isso cria uma base muito forte dentro dela. Ela não precisa berrar para ser ouvida, se rebelar. Ela vê nos gestos dos adultos que eles à percebem. Ela experimenta uma gotinha de amor divino e de reconhecimento pela sua existência.

Barbara Zimmermann

129 Gedanken zu „o falar das mãos

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